Lethal, deadly, poisonous, and toxic, is all we call all the things that can harm us. And it’s indeed perplexing to see a relationship that was filled with so much love suddenly turn sour and get rotten to the core. While the general advice is to leave the relationship, some toxic relationships can still be saved and possibly be made healthy.
So, can you fix a toxic relationship? Well, it depends! But if you’re a victim of psychological manipulation, verbal and physical abuse, it’s best and highly recommended that you pick your shoes and run from the relationship without looking back. Consequently, how to get over a toxic relationship should then be the question of your interest. More importantly how to fix an abusive relationship never be the question. Rather it should be how to fix an unhealthy relationship?
1. Spot the issues
Toxic relationships generally take a pattern of repeated conflicts and problems. Aside from identifying these problems, stating them out, and analyzing if they can be fixed is the first and pivotal step. But oftentimes, the frequent conflicts are just superficial and are mostly borne out of deeply rooted problems. For either of both parties, it could be that one of you grew up in a dysfunctional family or that the circumstances that occurred in their formative years were unhealthy and have thus molded them thus far. Consequently, without taking care of the inner monsters and healing from the hurts of the past, the relationship will probably not have a future.
2. Evaluate yourself
Most times, we are just kettles calling the pot black. We lament about our toxic relationships even when we play a huge part in it. So, there’s the need for self-reflection to evaluate the ways in which we contribute to the toxicity of the relationship and make conscious steps to fix them
3. Be on the same page
Can toxic relationships be healed? Yup! If you’re on the same page! One can only make progress in fixing the relationship if both partners come to terms that there are problems in the relationships that need fixing. This process involves a lot of feedback, honesty, effective communication, constructive criticism, and more importantly the willingness to work on the relationship. Anything short of this, won’t be enough to save the relationship.
4. Take your hands off the trigger
Here’s one from personal experience. My ex used to be the very jealous and needy type, other than that, I knew she loved me or at least cared for me. But truly, I did play a part in fueling her toxicity as I never paid her enough compliments and my actions always made her jealous. Concisely, you know what triggers your partner to go ballistic, and if it’s something you can control or avoid while not compromising on your values and identity, you should give it a shot.
5.Control your reactions
One thing we should all learn is that we’re in charge of our emotions and how we react to situations. Having a good control goes a long way in de-escalating tense solutions and in resolving conflicts amicably.
6. Reignite the passion
Do you still care for him/her? Is there still fondness in the relationship? These are questions that need to be answered before you attempt to save the relationship. And if the answers are yes, then you should reignite the flames of love and water the plant of love to prevent it from withering. Start off by doing things both of you love and generally strive to have a happy relationship.
In the end, you alone matter! Your happiness, mental health, and well-being are things that should never be taken for granted. So, find time to take care of yourself and invest in things that are beneficial to your mind and body. Exercise more, make friends, indulge in your hobbies, and make new ones. More importantly, foster your other relationships. Being in a relationship should not be an excuse to neglect family and friends. Moreover, this is the time you need them most as they will serve as your emotional support.
8. Set a common ground
To save a toxic relationship, compromise and negotiations need to be made. Both parties need to decide what they can’t necessarily change, what they can work on, and what they can give up. For example, as a fashion photographer, you can explain to her that your work always requires that you’re around lots of ladies and that will never change. In addition, you can make a compromise that you will stop staying out late, start keeping things extremely professional with your models, and start calling her more while you are away.
9. Seek professional help
When it comes to relationships, it’s almost as if we have a blinkered vision. We rarely see our faults and hardly take responsibility for them. This is where the help of a professional comes in. Not only will you be getting help on conflict resolution, but you will also be getting unbiased advice on how to fix the relationship.
So, can toxic relationships be healed? Yes! If both parties realize their faults and are willing to make the effort, fight for the relationship, and make amends.